Pass Me Those Garlic Fries

April 28, 2016

"You are what you eat," the old saying that I am not sure what it means. If applied at a ball game, I am a hot dog. I enjoy dogs with sour kraut, mustard, and onions about as much as a lobster dinner. I admit, I possess carnivorous tendencies, but have you ever eaten a tofu dog?…A crime. When eating at sporting events, most of us forget about health choices and the actual benefit of the food we are ingesting into our bodies. When I am at home, I am pretty sure I would never eat a bowl of tortilla chips covered in steaming orange cheese sauce and jalapeno peppers, but at a ball game, I would devour the mess like a lion and its prey.

You can go to most sporting events and find multiple choices in sausages when years before, hot dogs were the only choice for meat stuffed into a membrane. The old-time favorites of peanuts and popcorn are still available, but now you can indulge in nachos, garlic fries, pizza, a bowl with any ethnic food lumped together, sushi, and yes, even a salad. The smell waffles through the stadium, and the strongest of health-conscious fans will break down and want something to munch on. I have seen people eating salad at a game that goes against my rules for behavior, no greens during any sporting event.

Yes, stadium food is indulgent, not a healthy choice in most cases, costs an arm and leg, and distracts from the contest itself. But we like and want it and will throw down ten dollars for a beer with six bucks for a sausage. It is all about the experience of a live event which is best enjoyed while scarfing garlic fries. It is an extension of our living room with our big screen TVs and our food. Why can't we watch the game without self-indulgence? Is it because the game is not an enjoyable time without a hot dog and eating completes the whole event. Could be. I think the dog and contest are the same. Without one, you can't have the other. We are trained early as fans by others, for this is the way you act.

The food at sporting events has spawned many spin-off businesses. Take the chicken wing, for instance. The once disrespected part of the chicken has become the most important. There are probably over a thousand joints catering to the wing craze. You can bet artificial wings are on the way. I can see chickens in the future being genetically morphed or scientifically enhanced to grow four wings to help alleviate shortages during the Super Bowl. In addition, I saw garlic fries now being offered in the frozen food section of the supermarket. I am not sure if I would ever buy these, but it is good to feel I can fulfill that craving without going to the ballgame.

So, the trend is now a reality. You cannot bring a picnic basket into a game. You can still carry in your bag with some food items, but you will most likely be sitting next to a guy wolfing down a colossal dog and beer, and you will look at him and either say, "This smuck spent twenty bucks on that meal" or "damn, I wish I had money to spend on that." Sadly, the costs of this stuff are so inflated that it keeps some families from attending more games. I've yet to find a kid menu at the game nor a senior citizens discount. I believe the quadrupling of concession prices helps keep the team on the field, but I still need to understand why the workers only get a small wage, and the washed-up pitcher gets twenty million dollars a year. Without the fans buying expensive dogs, the overpriced players wouldn't be on the team. Sometimes a hot dog is just a hot dog, but sometimes a hot dog is a meal ticket.