A Bucket List...Dump it Out

The term “bucket list” wasn’t a thing that I’d ever heard muttered from my parents. Their idea of a bucket item would be for us to get through high school without becoming a juvenile delinquent on the path to ruin. This moniker is a term now thrown about when somebody feels they need to have a master list of everything they want to do before they keel over. I sat down and tried to compose such a list.

Most people put travel high on their list followed by a sabbatical from nine to five. Then you have to write down some hobby that you discarded years ago because it looked like a foolish endeavor. Maybe chainsaw art and metal forging are foolish but dammit, they make me happy so that should be on the list. I say rebuild that muscle car, the one you never owned in high school to impress the teenage girls. It will be different this time around, you will impress other old dudes who did the same thing while you stand in a parking lot admiring each other’s dreams. Your 1966 Barracuda will get you plenty of admiration from Stuart Hamm who rebuilt a 1971 convertible Dodge Charger and you can compare who spent more on their baby.

Next up, you are going to look up your family tree and compile your lineages history. Somebody in the family has to do it but don’t be discouraged when you find great Uncle chuck was actually adopted and that you have an aunt that is doing time in the pen for embezzling.

The list should probably include your desire to speak another language. I personally thought about this too, maybe I will pick one no one else knows, that way I can’t be judged how well I speak it. If I could rattle off some Pennsylvanian Dutch or Swahili, who wouldn’t be impressed. 

You say you always wanted to be a photographer, well you caught a break on that one. Your cell phone has replaced the camera so now you can click away endlessly until you get a selfie where your eyes aren’t pink and your gold-covered tooth isn’t admitting a weird laser beam of light out of your mouth.

These bucket lists are starting to appear as though the real bucket you need is a pail of money. Maybe robbing a bank should be on the list or swindling funds in some cockamamie land scheme. I say start a low budget version on the side just in case things don’t work out on the high roller list. For instance, I know volunteering is still a free thing and organizing your garage is relatively cheap, which probably just involves a garbage can and trips to Goodwill.

In all seriousness, forget the bucket list and instead just put a few ideas in your mind and think about them constantly. Those thoughts will happen because you have become obsessed and drove everybody around you nuts by constantly talking about them. Then you will be in no position to deny yourself of those things you always wanted to do. So, go out and run for city council and put yourself out there on a limb… or on a yard sign and pontificate how you can help others with their dreams.